MADDALENA, ZERO FOR CONDUCT
After which, if we dip some litmus paper into this solution...
AUDAX PRIVATE SCHOOL FOR GIRLS
We will see that it turns red... No, I mean, it turns blue!
No, it's red!
- Yellow! - Time's up, back to your seat.
In this solution the paper gets soggy and...
- That's insufficient, return to your seat. - It doesn't get soggy?
Now, let's see... Come up to the front...
Here's the powder and lipstick. Am I late?
Yes, it's 45 minutes past 8!
- Damn! It had to be today, with Lumacone! - Lumacone?
Yes, the professor of chemistry. Please, help me come up with an excuse!
- You missed the bus. - I've already used that... anything else?
Then tell him that the traffic lights were bewitched. - I've used that one as well!
Family problems, the death of a relative!
Nonsense! I can't go and kill someone just for the chemistry professor!
Tell him that someone's had a baby!
- A baby? Who's had a baby? - It's for the chemistry professor.
- The professor has had a baby? - No, it was an excuse for a student!
That's it, keep helping the students! Do you want to see the headmistress?
- Powder, lipstick, babies... - After all, what's wrong with that?
I understand the poor darlings, they're women!
Women can do without history, mathematics...
but they can't do without powder, without lipstick...
Have you ever seen me with lipstick?
What does that have to do with it...? And you're a woman, I suppose?
- And this is the correct solution. - Excellent, my dear girl.
Would you be able to tell me what the formula is for the resulting compound?
- C2 H3 N H2. - Perfect, well done.
And now, one last question: Please respond as precisely as you can.
- What is the name of this compound? - Bicarbonate of Mecalamine.
Very well done. You may return to your seat, my dear girl.
Young ladies, I feel that I must point out Miss Varghetti as an excellent example.
It fills me with great satisfaction to hear my questions answered...
in such a clear, clean and precise manner.
And now, after this satisfaction, I shall look forward to some bitterness...
Come up to the front...
Perhaps that will do for today, the class seems agitated...
Instead we will go through the lesson that we should have tackled on Wednesday!
- Lenci! - Present!
At what time are you presenting yourself? It's exactly 57 minutes past 8!
- 57 minutes late! - I'm sorry, Professor...
Silence! Nothing can justify such a gross disregard for the rules.
Against the school and against me!
- She was late yesterday as well! - Yesterday as well?
Yesterday her lateness was not recorded!
I see... Yesterday Miss Malgari was here.
Miss Malgari is too lenient, she falls for all of your excuses...
but I will not! I am not Miss Malgari!
Do you understand, Lenci?
This is not some business lesson to which you can turn up whenever you want!
This is a chemistry lesson, and lateness will not be tolerated! Back to your seat!
After the lesson, you'll see...
Lenci, stand up!
Can you tell me what organic materials are?
Organic materials is the name given to all the materials that... that...
There are two types: Organic and inorganic. The organic ones...
Lenci, this time you've been saved by the bell!
I will see you on Wednesday!
Silence! While I'm still here, the lesson isn't over!
- What happened? - She slapped me!
- Who?! - I don't know!
Excuse me, Professor, my parents found out that I'm going to fail chemistry.
Professor, I promise you, I'll study non-stop...
Promises aren't enough, you must demonstrate it!
- Good morning, Varzi. - Good morning, Malesci.
- Hello, Malesci. - Good morning, good morning.
- Hello, Varzi. - Hello, my dear.
- How are you? - Bad.
Good.
- May I please close the window. - Why?!
It's for Professor Sila, he's quite ill...
He's a professor of gymnastics at that age, he may as well retire!
He only has 3 months left until he gets his pension, you can close it.
Professor Sila, you can come in!
- Good morning everyone. - Good morning.
How are you feeling?
Terrible, the gymnasium is full of drafts!
- Could you please bring me a bicarbonate? - Bicarbonate won't fix that kind of cold!
I know, but I also have a heavy stomach!
Also buy some salicylate paper and a plaster.
Professor, all those at once can't be good.
I need to cure myself!
- I have a method to cure such illness. - What's that?
A nice glass of wine before dinner and then three after you've eaten.
But that's enough to poison me!
Yes, but it will put you out of your misery!
Sila, seeing as you're knowledgeable about all
sports, is it difficult to learn how to ski?
I don't know, I've never tried.
I wanted to visit the mountains for the Christmas holidays.
I would love to join you, but, you know, with my terrible sciatica...
Poor man, my husband can't come either. He's suffering from the gout...
- Headmistress... - Excuse me, Headmistress..
I must inform you of the excessive leniency of Miss Malgari.
It turns out that she's not even making a record of those who are absent...
the pupils are taking advantage of this, and their grades are suffering as a result.
I understand, but consider that Miss Malgari is still very young.
I was young one day, but I've always been rightly strict.
I believe that Miss Malgari has many more pupils than Profess...
Exactly, that's the problem! If she isn't mature enough to be a teacher...
then what do you expect her to achieve? The class lacks discipline.
Just the other day I asked Miss Lenci what was clearly an elementary question.
I asked her what you would get if you mixed chlorine and ammonia.
See, it's a very simple question!
Do you know what she answered me? She said that you get something smelly!
It's always like that! The only subject in which they get decent grades...
is in the business correspondence course taught, as you know, by Miss Malgari!
Good morning everyone.
- The homework to be corrected. - Thank you, Bondani.
- That was last week! - No, darling. - Wasn't it last week, Caricati?
- Have you studied correspondence? - I haven't opened the book!
"Oh, if you only know how much you annoy me with these business letters!"
Quiet! There are other people here who are trying to study!
I will have written 500 letters to this damn Mr. Hartmann!
500 letters and they still don't know that you spell Hartmann with two Ns!
What does it matter? Anyway, this Mr. Hartmann will never receive these letters!
Tell me, why do you always make them write to this same name?
It's in the textbook. People have been writing
to this Alfredo Hartmann for 10 years!
- It's dreary... - Why? Well, we're used to it by now.
It's like he's an old friend you once knew: A nice friend who's far away, patient...
someone to whom you can write whatever you want.
Yes, and with the small advantage that he doesn't even exist!
For 10 years schoolgirls have been ordering goods that he'll never send...
for 10 years he's been receiving complaints to which he'll never respond.
He doesn't lament, he doesn't protest, he doesn't ever get annoyed...
- An enviable character! - That's right.
Sometimes I imagine that he's here in front of me...
Then he must be tall, dark, slender... A handsome young man, I'm sure!
Why do you imagine him like that? - If I'm to
imagine him, he might as well be handsome!
Business letters are composed of four parts...
Address, date, text, and close.
- For me, boxers are perfect! - Boxers?!
Come in, ladies! Quickly! The lesson is starting!
Come on, to your seats!
Why is it that I always end up having to wait for you?
Are we missing anyone?
We're missing Caricati, Silvestri and Lenci.
They're always trying to get me in trouble! I've been here for half an hour!
- Quiet down, please! - I have the right to protest.
Quiet down, I say!
- And who are you? - Eva Barta, I'm home-schooled.
What does that matter? To your seat, like the others.
But I don't have a seat, I'm home-schooled.
Quiet down, you!
Sit yourself next to Lenci, the second row.
- From now on that will be your seat. - But I don't come to school very often.
What?
Mother says that before I can take my exams I have to attend lessons at home.
So the professors usually come to my house, I'm home-schooled, you see!
Silence!
I'm astonished to see that you, who are intelligent women...
are behaving in this manner, and taking advantage of me because I'm young!
Lenci!
Lenci, have you quite finished bothering me?
I didn't say a word!
- Are you trying to annoy me? - No, Miss, I'm not.
Then behave as you should do and sit down.
Yes, Miss.
Actually, come here. I want to ask you some questions.
Looks like it's her who wants to annoy me!
Come on girls! Lightness, agility... Don't be afraid to strain a little!
Even if it starts to hurt, don't worry... it's healthy! Healthy!
Come on, let's start again. Squat down and push your chest out.
Follow me: One, two!
Actually, no. You do it, I'll watch.
Excuse me, excuse me...
Here's your bicarbonate.
Yesterday 10 minutes late... that is what it's doing to the school.
- What is that noise? - It's normal, this is Malgari's class.
Now I will speak to her, enough of this trouble!
Girls, silence!
Do you think this is really the correct way to compile a letter placing an order?
"Send me a bale, right away". What will Mr. Hartman think of his client?
He'll think that his client needs a bale.
Silence! Business letters also require some form, some courtesy...
Come on now, start over!
Can I write: "I will be eternally grateful..."
No need to exaggerate, now!
The headmistress would like a word with you.
- Do you know why? - She wouldn't tell me.
Ladies, I have to step outside for a moment. Talk among yourselves.
Ladies, no noise! I'm here!
- Who are you? - Please, don't make a lot of noise!
We'll give you 30 seconds to escape...
I'll let you get away with this because you're ladies, otherwise...
I want to see if he has the courage to come back! - Because if you...
No! Quick, let's get some paper to throw at him when he comes back!
Ready...
Fire!
What?! What's going on?!
Which rude person came up with such a low and vulgar plan?!
Me!
Oh, really? Good. This is beyond the pale,
there's also some kind of criminal solidarity!
I'll take care of this, you'll see!
If nothing else we showed that old bully!
Look, this is the register with our grades!
No mischief, now. Let's just look at it.
Home-school, this doesn't interest you. Go and keep a lookout!
- What do you want me to say? - Tell us if someone comes!
- Galli, 5-4-6. - I thought I got zero for everything!
Let me see mine... 3-3-4-2!
What's this, homework?
- A letter... what is this? - Here she comes.
Come here, idiot!
Let's carry on.
"The esteemed Mr. Alfredo Hartmann..."
"Dear Mr. Alfredo Hartmann, if you only knew how many times..."
"I had written and spoke your name! Excuse me if this is somewhat forward..."
"but I feel so very alone..."
- What is it? - Nothing, don't look at it.
"I know that this letter won't reach you..."
"and yet only when I write to you do I feel that I have a friend who understands me."
Girls, pay attention. Now, write.
- Could you lend me a sheet of paper? - No!
"You've no idea how terrible it is for me to be trapped in this school..."
"where I'll probably end up spending my entire life. I would love it if..."
"you left your office and came here to take me away from this place."
"Alfredo Hartmann, you're the perfect man."
"It's a shame that you'll never receive this letter..."
"Goodbye, dear friend... my only friend."
If you would please examine the attached bill...
Lenci, why are you not writing like everyone else?
- And what have you got under there? - Hide it!
- Miss... - What's wrong, Maddalena?
Nothing, nothing. A bit of a headache.
If you don't feel well you may go home.
No, thank you. It'll pass, I'm sure.
Then let's carry on...
The Countess is outside with the car.
- What Countess? - What do I know?
She told me to go to class 4B and inform the little
countess that the big countess is waiting...
Damn, this school isn't the same as it used to be!
Oh, it's mummy!
Okay, I'm going.
What kind of manners are these? The lesson isn't finished yet.
It doesn't matter, anyway I'm home-schooled!
Idiots.
Okay, you may leave... But never come back to this class again!
How is it my fault if mummy is waiting? She gets angry if she's made to wait too long!
Okay! Go, go, go!
- Say "hello" to mummy for me! - Silence!
Ladies, you should be ashamed of yourselves.
Within a few months you will have graduated and will enter the world out there.
Therefore you must learn to understand what it's like to lose a job, to lose bread.
You don't know, you couldn't even imagine.
But if I am to lose my job, it will be all your fault!
You should be ashamed of yourselves!
One moment, listen to me.
If any of you even think of making mischief in Miss Malgari's lesson again...
you'll have me to deal with! I'll tear out all your hair, is that clear?
- Is Dad here? - Yes, Miss, he's home.
- I could eat a horse! Here, take this. - Thank you.
Ba... Ba... Baritti, Barini, Baroni... Countess Angeli, it must be her!
Hello? May I speak to the little Countess?
Sorry? Oh, it's you! I'm Maddalena Lenci.
Yes, the one sitting next to you on the second row.
I need that letter, right away! What?!
- You sent it? - Yes, I thought that it was to be mailed.
There was an address, I copied it onto a bag and then put a stamp on it...
- then I sent it! - Could you be any more stupid?
It wasn't a letter! Well, yes, it was a letter...
but... oh, it's useless explaining it to you.
Only someone who's been home-schooled could be capable of something so stupid!
- Good day, Miss. - Bondani, what happened?
Why, are you expecting bad news?
I thought that maybe there was an accident...
No, an accident is falling down the stairs...
So tell me, what's going on?
Things are going badly, very badly: 3 in Chemistry, 2 in German, 4 in History...
- Oh, it's just this! - And you aren't bothered about it?
The problem is that the headmistress has told me to deliver all the report cards...
personally because she's convinced that they're not showing their parents.
An important job! Personal delivery...
- There you go, it's been delivered. - Thank you, you're very kind.
No need to thank me, it's my job!
Oh yes, you'll need your parents' signature.
I'll take care of it.
I don't know a thing...
- Good day Mother, good day Father! - Good day, honey.
- Darling, how are you? - Very tired.
Poor little thing, don't tire yourself out too much with all that studying.
How can she tire herself out? All girls study at her age.
That's easy for you to say... If only you know how many subjects...
Do you think that perhaps we should go and speak to her teachers?
- No... that's not possible. - Why?
Because the teachers are all so busy, they don't have time to see anyone.
In fact, they've told us to inform parents not to bother them with visits.
- Not to bother them? - Yes, exactly.
Actually, for this term they... cucumber...
they've decided not to give out report cards.
Why don't they want to give out report cards?
Because they see it as a waste of time.
Ham... that way the parents don't have to worry about anything.
The students all have good grades anyway. Half an egg.
- Even you? - Me? Mine are the best in the class.
- I get it, show me the report card. - I promise, they didn't give us one!
Show me the report card I say!
Ladies... write:
"Mr. Alfredo Hartmann, Kohlstrasse, Vienna."
Here's the post, Mr. Hartman.
"Dear Mr. Alfredo Hartmann, if you only knew how many times I've written..."
This letter isn't for me, give it to that cretin son of mine!
Yes Sir, Managing Director!
Mr Hartman, the post.
"Dear Mr. Alfredo Hartmann, if you only knew how many times I've written..."
- It's not for me, give it to my son. - Yes, Director.
- The post, Sir. - Yes?
Thank you.
What kind of nonsense is this?
How silly...
- You came here because of this? - No, I wanted to see you, my uncles...
Alfredo, don't lie. You came because of this.
Yes...
Nice! A serious man, a business man, like
you, travelling 2,000 KM because of a letter!
- And what's more from a complete stranger! - It's a surprise for me, too.
This letter has some kind of... I don't know.
I don't know how to explain it to you.
It's a pleasing letter, there, that's the perfect definition.
It pleased me and now I want to find out who wrote it.
Perhaps I should point out that Rome is a city of one and a half million people.
I won't need to search, look: "Audax Private Technical School".
- May I help you? - Morning, Bondani!
- May I help you? - Hello, yes, we're looking for a girl.
What? What do you think this is, an exhibition?
This is a serious school. Nothing doing, I'm sorry.
For you.
- If you were relatives... - Exactly, we're relatives.
- Which of the girls did you want to see? - All of them.
All of them? - Yes, we're looking for one, but we don't know who she is.
Do you at least know what she looks like? Blonde, brunette, fat, thin...
- No, we don't know anything. - Okay, stand here and take a look...
Good morning... morning...
Listen... tell your friend to stop that. Otherwise, what will they think of me?
- Have you written that, girls? - Yes, Miss!
"Considering exhaustive records concerning the area, we cannot ignore..."
"the anthropological characteristics of the inhabitants of this region..."
Hand me the coat hangers!
"We can however, certainly confirm, my dear girls..."
"that the Georgians have, for a long time been considered..."
"as the ideal prototype..."
"of the white race."
- Have you written that? - Yes, Miss.
Hand me the string!
Don't laugh, pretend you don't see anything!
- But I didn't laugh! - Quiet!
"Above all men of a quite majestic build, yet at the same time slender..."
"dark, handsome, endowed with a certain and uncommon physical force..."
"that remind one more of mythical heroes rather than the people of our time."
Bye, darlings! Goodbye!
Who are they? Who are those two?
They're relatives of students, they want to speak with you.
Here's their visitor's ticket. - What kind of relatives? Brothers, cousins, parents...
I wouldn't know.
Show them in.
Anyway, you, Caricati, for your report card you can...
This way, please.
Excuse me... Brothers, cousins, parents...?
- What are you saying? - Do you have any children?
- No, why? - No, they're not parents.
- Can I help you? - Ah, yes.
- I am Mr. Stefano Armani. - How can I help you. What's your business?
This is my cousin, and he wanted to know...
May I? It's better if I explain.
Ma'am, could you please take a look at this envelope?
The usual mistake: "Hartman" written with one
'N', when it should be written with two.
No, Ma'am, there's no mistake. "Hartman" is written with just one 'N'.
No, you write it with two 'N's.
No, Ma'am, I'm sure. You know better than me?
Your insistence amazes me.
Before becoming headmistress of the school...
I taught business correspondence for 5 years.
Therefore, know this name!
Perhaps, but I assure you that I know it better, I've had it for 30 years!
You've had it? I'm sorry, but who are you?
I'm Alfredo Hartman, with just the one 'N'.
- How dare you joke about such a thing? - I'm not joking, Ma'am.
I live in Vienna, Kohlstrasse 122. Here's my passport.
Alfredo Hartman, Kohlstrasse, Vienna!
- So... so you exist! - Of course I exist!
I don't quite understand your surprise, Ma'am.
It's incredible, extraordinary! You're in our textbooks!
- Where? - In the school textbooks!
In a school textbook.
The author mustn't have known that you exist.
Of course I exist, so do my family, We've been living in Vienna for 100 years!
Ma'am, in 1812 the Armani family was divided into two separate branches:
The first-born, Mattia Armani, married an Austrian lady...
and changed his name to Hartman. With one 'N'!
My cousin descends from this branch.
The brother, Zeffirino Armani, stayed in Italy.
- And I'm descended from Zeffirino. - There are more important matters at hand.
Textbook or no, I want to know who wrote this letter.
Formaldehyde and ammonia.
The compound salt is called... and please remember this name.
- I'll write it on my heart. - Quiet.
Anyway, listen to me well.
This salt goes by the name of... Es... am... eti... len...
If you give me the letter, I will be able to
tell from the handwriting exactly who wrote it.
I would love to, but unfortunately I've left it at home.
I'm sorry, but why does it interest you so much to know who wrote it?
It interest me because... in that letter they insulted me.
In 100 years, it's the first time that someone has insulted our firm.
And I want satisfaction. We are asking for satisfaction.
We will do whatever we can, if it's necessary
to expel the author of this letter...
Expel them... from where?
- From the school. - And then?
Nothing, we can do no more. It's a serious punishment, I'm sure you will be satisfied.
Yes... very satisfied.
It's just that first I really wanted to speak with this person.
Speak?
I have the right to know who has insulted our glorious firm!
You're right, I'll begin looking.
The envelope is an important item. We may be able to...
The envelope, no, the letter would be better.
So not to waste any time.
I will bring you the letter as soon as I can. Please, give me the envelope back.
As you wish, anyway I'll question the students.
In that case, where can I contact you?
Alfredo Hartman Steelworks, represented by Stefano Armani.
Please, gentlemen.
I don't understand why you didn't give her the letter.
- She would have discovered who wrote it. - Well, isn't that what we came for?
Yes, but think about it, poor thing. Why would I want to give that monster...
reason to bother the angel who wrote me such a nice letter?
Then why did you tell her that it was an insulting letter?
Because a school headmistress might forgive an insulting letter...
but she would never forgive a love letter.
Girls, watch!
This exercise is only to be done in moderation, because in certain cases...
it can be bad for your health. 10 minutes break.
You are to write a letter in which you ask for damages to be paid due to late goods.
Miss, something terrible has happened.
All of you listen to me!
Today a gentleman came to see me who we have always believed did not exist:
Mr. Alfredo Hartman of Vienna!
There's a student here who had the nerve to send a letter to Mr. Hartman.
I urge this offender to come forward immediately.
- And... what was written in the letter? - We're dealing with an insulting letter.
None of you will reveal yourselves? Tomorrow
Mr. Hartman will bring the letter...
and from the handwriting it will be easy to find out who the author is.
Then, the offender will not remain as part of this institute for one more second!
Therefore it's quite pointless to keep quiet.
- Headmistress. - What is it?
Let it go!
I appeal once again for the guilty party to have the good sense...
to spare me the needless and upsetting business of interrogating their friends!
- Who wrote this letter? - Me.
- You? - Yes, me.
I should have known right away! And what did you write in this letter?
I can't say.
Anyway, when Mr. Hartman shows us the letter tomorrow we will all know.
Mr. Hartman won't show you anything.
How do you know that?
I know, because a gentleman never reveals the letters that he receives from a lady.
Us ladies are not to write vulgarities!
- But I didn't write vulgarities. - Lenci!
The professor will deal with your case, for now you must leave the classroom.
Yes, Ma'am.
- What... what's going on?! - Nothing, they're waving goodbye to me.
Miss Maddalena. Wake up, it's late!
- What time is it? - 7 O'clock.
- Then let me sleep. - Maddalena, what are you doing?
- Quickly, get up! - Okay, now I'm up.
Do you want them to note you down as being late again?
Don't worry. This time they won't note me down, trust me.
- Me? - Yes, you!
Why are you up so early if you don't have to come to school?
I haven't told my parents yet. After the
lesson let's meet at the Isperia Patisserie.
Okay, but what will you do until midday?
Who knows... I'll wander around! Bye! Bye!
Come in!
Good morning.
- Good morning! - I'm Maddalena Lenci...
I got your address from a friend. Please, sit down.
- No, thank you. - Please.
- How can I help you? - Oh, you speak Italian, too?
Of course we speak Italian, why?
Anyway, it's better this way. I can tell you exactly what I think of you.
- Of me? Go ahead. - You're a vulgar scoundrel.
- Why? - You came to our school yesterday, yes?
- Yes, in fact. - You've ruined me.
Me? I'm sorry, Miss, I don't understand.
Yesterday I visited a school for girls to find out who had written a certain letter.
- I wrote it. - You?
Yes, me. And you will be happy to know that I've been expelled from the school!
No, Miss, I never even thought of it.
Whether you did or not, it doesn't matter.
All I ask is that you give me back my letter.
I don't have it.
- And who does? - Mr. Alfredo Hartman.
- So who are you? - Mr. Stefano Armani, his cousin.
And it will be rather difficult for Alfredo to give you the letter back.
- Does he want revenge? - Of course not.
He travelled 2,000 km just to meet you.
- To meet me? - Exactly.
- Why's that? - Why? Because he's in love with you.
With me? But he doesn't even know me!
What do you want me to say? He's a romantic man, and us men are capable of everything.
He's madly in love with the woman who wrote him that letter.
Really?
Exactly. And you shouldn't be so surprised, because if I may be so bold as to say...
I would be in love with you as well. Nothing's stopping you!
No, I mean... goodbye!
Just a moment, Miss!
- At least give me your address. - Why do you want to know it?
It's not for me, it's to give to Alfredo when he comes back.
Do you really think that he wants to see me?
Goodness, yes! He came to Rome especially.
Okay, write: Maddalena Lenci, 3, Tomacelli Street. Goodbye!
Goodbye!
Maddalena Tomacelli, 3, Lenci Street!
Finally! - Hello, darling. These cream horns look nice. Can I eat one?
Eat, eat! I have some terrible things to tell you. Just think...
Just a second. Did your mummy give you lots of money to come here to the patisserie?
No, I sold some books. - Well done! What will you do if you've not been expelled?
I'll be expelled, don't worry about that.
No one will ever know that it wasn't me who wrote the letter to Alfredo Hartman.
- If it wasn't you, then who was it? - Swear that you won't tell anyone.
- I swear. - What do you swear on?
On anything you want, I never break a promise!
Well, it was Miss Malgari!
No... that's incredible!
- Can I eat another cream horn? - Eat, eat! So anyway...
Hold on, how much did they give you for the books? - 1250!
- What a load of rubbish. - Forget about that.
Do you know why Mr. Hartman wants to meet whoever wrote him the letter?
Because he's in love with her and wants to marry her.
- Oh! So will you say "yes"? - It's not like I wrote the letter!
He must marry Miss Malgari, it's a matter of conscience.
Excuse me for asking, but where did you sell
the books? - In the shop next to the school.
What do you think I should do?
Nothing, you've been swindled. 1250!
No! I'm not talking about the books... I want to
find a way to get Hartman and Malgari to meet.
Ah, I see... But why do you want them to meet?
I see that you don't understand anything! Waiter! The bill, please.
- Go ahead. - I've had two cream horns.
So that's 9 cream horns and 4 vanilla slices.
9 cream horns and 4 vanilla slices?!
- What? I was worried! - 1250, Miss.
Just think, in such a short time we've
managed to eat all the subjects of class 4B!
If you manage to discover who wrote this letter,
there's another 200 lire in it for you.
Leave it to me, I'll take care of it.
However, would you be able to tell me the name of the person who wrote it?
Well no, otherwise I wouldn't have come to you!
That's right... And you don't have an address either?
No... how would I know that?
Because if you knew the name and address, I would be able to find out right away!
Wow, excellent. My congratulations...
One last question: Who wrote the letter, a man or a woman?
Don't you see that we're dealing with a love letter?
That doesn't mean anything, I've written love letters too and I'm a man!
But this letter was written to me!
Well, then we can suppose that it's a woman.
It was probably a student from the school.
Probably? Of course it was!
- Well then it's going to be easy! - Amilcare!
Leave it to me.
- Good day. - Good day. - Excuse me, does Miss Elisa Malgari live here?
- My daughter, yes, please come in. - Thank you.
Please.
Elisa! There's a young lady here for you.
- Who is it? - It's me, Lenci!
- Hello, Miss! - Lenci! What do you want?
- Can I help you, Miss? - No, leave it... - I'm good at drying plates...
Oh, how stupid of me! I'm so sorry!
Oh, Maddalena, there's no need to fret over something so silly.
So you're not angry with me?
Angry? What are you saying? Come and sit down.
Come on.
- Please. - No, no, thank you.
Tell me Maddalena, what did Mr. Alfredo Hartman do to you?
To me, nothing. - Then why did you write him such a rude letter?
Ah! Well, it was a joke.
Well, a joke like that isn't in good taste, you will need to apologise to him.
Actually, if you don't have the courage to confront him alone...
as your teacher I would be happy, as a favour, to accompany you.
Really? - No, now that I think about it perhaps that wouldn't be possible.
- Though perhaps we could talk about it. - Yes, let's talk! Come to my house today!
To your house? What for?
My parents would be very happy if you could give me some private lessons.
With pleasure. - That way, during the lesson, we could even talk about him!
- I'm troubled, discouraged... - Why?
Because in Vienna I would know everything within 24 hours. Name, surname, address...
- Look. - What's this?
- Name, surname, and address. - Where did you get it from?
- She gave it to me. - Her? You saw her? - Of course I saw her. - Where?
- Here, half an hour ago. - She came here?
- Sure, she wanted to talk to you. - Goodness! What did she want to tell me?
- That you're a vulgar scoundrel. - Scoundrel? Why?
She'll tell you herself, she's waiting for you at her house. - Bye!
- Where are you going? - To her house!
Are you mad? Do you think this is the time of day to be paying visits?
Tell me, what's she like?
That's a question of taste, for me she wasn't bad.
- Maddalena Tomacelli. 3, Lenci Street. - No! Maddalena Lenci. 3, Tomacelli Street.
Hello? Yes, Armani's Office.
No, it's her!
Listen, could you please tell Mr. Hartman to come to my house at 4 O'clock precisely.
Yes, okay.
Hello? Hello? If you like, you can come as well...
Actually, no! Mr. Hartman can come here at 4...
and we can meet at half past 4 at the Isperia Patisserie.
Yes, I know it. Okay, Miss, at half past 4 on the dot!
- So, I have to be there at half past 4? - No, at 4 O'clock.
- But on the telephone... - I was mistaken. At 4 O'clock on the dot.
Kid, I hope you're not looking to get me into trouble here!
Me? Goodness, no!
- Hello. - Hello, please come in.
- I am... - I know, Mr. Alfredo Hartman of Vienna.
Exactly. Miss, I can't begin to express the emotion...
No, no, it's not me. I guess you would like
to speak to the lady who sent you the letter.
- It wasn't you? - No.
A shame...
It was written by a charming and kind lady...
but it wasn't me. She's in the sitting room!
Wait... she still doesn't know that it was you who received the letter!
- I'll tell her. - No, heaven forbid!
I'll introduce you to her. Hold on, are you the real Mr. Alfredo Hartman?
Of course, here's my passport.
Thanks, but I didn't want to introduce you to her with your name. - Why not?
You see, for a young romantic...
it's not nice that after receiving her letter...
you came running all the way from Vienna looking for her.
- It would be better to tell her later. - Okay.
- So, let's find a nice Italian name. - I don't know, Cristoforo Colombo?
No, stop kidding around! I'll think of one, come on.
An acquaintance of mine, what's-his-name, Mr. Pietro Salvi.
Please sit down. Sit down, Pietro.
I'll just go and prepare the tea.
- Are you from Rome? - Me, no...
- Where are you from? - The provinces... I live in the country.
- Do you own land? - Yes.
- Whereabouts? - Here and there... a bit in every place.
And what do you grow on your land?
- Peppers. - Just peppers?
Yes, I really like them. It's wonderful to see fields full of peppers!
I can imagine.
In the countryside life must be nice...
Yes, that's what they say... I mean, yes, it's wonderful.
Besides, everything is beautiful if you look at it through serene eyes.
And you know how to look...
Yes. Especially when the things are beautiful...
to me they're as bright and miraculous as the sun!
I can see that you're a provincial person.
Sorry?
Please don't take my words the wrong way, try to understand me.
I said that because here the men are cold, arid, positive...
They live the real life, they don't know how to live their dreams.
And yet for some the dream is a reality.
You never thought that you might meet someone who...
who you've dreamed of? No, never.
- And if it ever happened? - I wouldn't like it.
Why?
Because dreams aren't made to become part of reality.
I've always feared that reality was less beautiful.
No, sometimes reality is so much is more beautiful than dreams.
- Here you go, Miss. - And Maddalena?
- She's gone out. - Where's she gone?
She didn't say.
That's strange, I don't understand.
Perhaps she had some previous engagement.
No, she should have at least let us know...
- Is it so bad to be left alone with me? - Oh no, I didn't mean that...
- If you like I can go. - No, heaven forbid... stay here.
You say that in such a way... yes, perhaps I should go after all.
But, at least while we're here... surely we have time for one cup of tea.
I should tell you that I had decided not to come here like this.
- We had an agreement! - But I didn't want to come.
Well, this isn't a bad start!
Try to understand me, my cousin travelled 2,000 km just to meet you and I...
how can I say it, your eyes go through me.
Go through you? What a strange expression!
I mean to say... I'm trying to seduce you!
Here you are.
Please understand, I'm ashamed of myself. I'm trying to steal you from my cousin...
I'm not trying to change your mind, but such
things have happened many times in history.
- What does history have to do with it? - Like Marco Antonio and Cleopatra.
Didn't Marc Anthony steal Cleopatra away from Julius Caesar?
Now I don't want to judge this Marc Anthony...
but I find it beautiful that he would make such a bold gesture a woman's love!
Miss, I'm sorry, but where did you learn such wonderful things?
Do you think that my parents sent me to school for nothing?
Miss, can I ask you a personal question?
It's useless to ask such a thing, you've already asked me so many!
That's true, but you know, country folk... I promise this one will be the last.
- Have you ever been in love? - No! How do you think I ever...
It's useless to respond, I get it... You're still in love.
But I didn't say anything!
I can see it well. So tell me, what's he like?
Who?!
Him. Blond hair, brown hair, tall, short...
I don't know.. if I told you it would make you laugh.
- Tell me... - I've never seen him.
No? And... you love him?
Now take my word for it, I don't love anyone! It's just that...
Well, it's a long story, let's talk about something else.
- Are there many hares? - Where?
On your land.
Oh, yes. Why do you want there to be hares?
That's what they say... usually, those who own land in the country like to hunt.
Yes, indeed. Do you like hunting?
- Yes, I'm the daughter of a hunter. - A hunter of what?
Of everything. Well, when I was young, my
father used to go and hunt bison in America.
Good gracious! Then it's a shame that there are no bison on my land anymore...
we killed all of them!
Now I'm not some kind of old woman...
but I understand why parents don't like to let
their daughters go on dates with young men.
Naturally. - Of course, because sometimes the
young men take advantage of the situation!
- Me? What have I done? - I don't mean you...
Once, a friend of mine met a young man in a patisserie.
An intimate little place, just like this. There wasn't anyone around, just like now.
- Then he tried to kiss the girl! - How horrible!
- I swear that it's true. - He doesn't sound like a very nice man.
Yes, but it's also true that he really was in love with my friend.
That doesn't matter, you don't kiss someone in a patisserie.
But there was nobody there, like now! No one could have seen anything.
It doesn't matter, you don't go kissing someone in a public place!
Maddalena, what are you doing? You're putting on lipstick?
Waiter! Could we have the bill?
I've had 4 cream horns.
I've had two cognacs.
- So, could we meet up tomorrow? - What, didn't you have to leave?
Yes, but I've changed my mind, I'm staying.
I hope that you won't leave me alone in this
city, I'm a provincial person, after all...
I don't know what I can do for you. Shall we go to a museum?
No... let's go out and dance together!
It's been years since I last danced, there's
always something to do at school and at home!
- But you know the old waltz, surely? - Who knows...
It's really quite easy. In the country we dance it every Sunday. Shall we try?
- No... - It's nothing, really...
Let's move this over here...
This, we'll put over here.
This, we'll put up here and this one over here.
There...
- Can I help you? - Me? I don't understand...
It's not difficult to understand. I'm just asking if I can help you at all?
Listen, young man, is this some kind of joke?
No... who are you and what do you want?
What do I want? This is the last straw!
You come in my house, put chairs on tables...
in order to open up a dance academy and you're asking me what I want?
- I am Mr. Lenci. - I'm sorry Sir, but I didn't know...
Now you can tell me to who it is I have the
honour of speaking, and why it is you're here.
I'm at your service, but I ask to be given the chance to explain myself...
just that it's a complicated situation. Could I please speak to you in private?
- In private? - Yes, I want to make you a proposal.
Very well, come through.
And if you're planning to open a dance academy, I'll have nothing to do with it!
- Anyway, come through. - Thank you.
I'm sorry, but daughter tell me about any of this.
Because she doesn't know I got her letter.
And you came from Vienna for this?
- Yes, just for this. - And you wish to marry my daughter.
Exactly, and if you want to take a look at my financial information...
Of course, that I will need to see!
But just the fact that you've come all the way from Vienna for this, it seems strange.
It's not so extraordinary.
For example, you've been all the way to America just for a bison...
I'm sure you can see why someone would come from Vienna for a girl!
A bison? What do bison have to do with this?
- And what does this "Pam!" mean? - Nothing.
It's a young person's thing... But anyway, I do find bison interesting.
Bison...
It's a shame that there are none here, too.
I'm sorry, but what bison are you speaking of?
The ones you caught in America.
- Me, bison, "Pam!"... in America? - Yes... "Pam!"
Please can we stop this "Pam!", it's getting on
my nerves. Listen, I've never been hunting...
- But that's what your daughter told me. - My daughter? - Yes, she did.
Well that explains everything! My daughter is a
little fanciful, but we'll talk about that later.
Now let's talk about more important things.
I've decided, I'm going to marry her.
But I thought you were just messing around!
- Of course not! - Are you sure she loves you?
- As sure as I've ever been. - She told you?
- Impossible. - Well, she didn't tell me but I know.
What does this "haha" mean?
- Nothing. Tell me, did she kiss you? - What does that matter?
It matters, answer me!
- Actually, we forgot to kiss each other. - I
didn't... I mean, I wouldn't have forgotten.
Thanks for reminding me. Tomorrow I'll take care of it, don't worry.
Thank goodness for that!
Take a look at this letter. Was it you who wrote it?
- Me? - Yes, it must have been you!
You must be mad, the school makes me write enough of these letters...
do you think I want to write more?
Bondani! Someone has given me a little dog and I wanted to get rid of it.
Why, don't you like dogs?
- Yes, but the thing needs exercise. - Well, of course it does!
So it needs to be walked all the time and I, with this pain in my legs...
- Then take the tram! - That's an idea, thanks!
Girls, today's chemistry lesson has been postponed!
- Oh, how wonderful! - Because the teachers are in a meeting!
They're probably preparing some terrible punishment for Maddalena.
- Then we need to do something to save her. - Girls, you want to hear something funny?
Bondani asked me if I'd written this letter.
It was addressed to Mr. Alfredo Hartman!
- He showed it to me too. - Me too!
My dear man, I need a little more time.
Some investigations can't be solved in a few
hours, they're a little more complicated...
Don't worry, I've solved it already. What? I found her.
- I came to take back the letter. - Oh, thank you very much.
What did we say? I was sure we would find her. When I put my mind to something...
- Where's it gone? - What?
- The letter, I left it right here! - We need to find it, it's important to me.
It was here and now it's gone!
- What's going on? - The meeting has just started.
Maddalena has already been called.
The facts, we can sum up in a few words...
An esteemed firm in Vienna received an insulting letter...
from a student in the school: Maddalena Lenci, now you can explain.
Excuse me, sorry, sorry for being late. Good day everyone, good day.
Thanks so much for your advice, last night I didn't even cough once, and...
So! Maddalena Lenci! Do you confess to having written the letter?
I confess.
Headmistress, this declaration means that we should take it easier on her.
The accused has confessed because it was proved as soon as we got the letter.
Let's maintain some kind of order. Lenci, we want to know... come in!
- What do you want? - I want to testify.
- And who asked you to come in? - Professor, it's extremely important.
- I must tell you that Miss Lenci is lying. - What are you saying?
Exactly what I said, Headmistress, it's not true that Miss Lenci wrote the letter.
- This is just... - Then who wrote it?
No one!
The letter has disappeared, you can deny everything.
It's a miracle, a letter that wrote itself!
No, the truth is that the letter never existed.
Is any of this true?
- All of it! - Headmistress!
Here's the letter.
Lenci... come here.
Did you write this letter to Mr. Alfredo Hartman?
Yes, me.
Read it, and pass it on.
Oh, it's incredible!
- Headmistress, this letter was written... - The letter was written by me!
Please, Miss Malgari, don't try to defend me!
Headmistress, wrote the letter and I take the full responsibility for it.
Lenci, come with me. You too, Miss Malgari.
Such precocious perversity!
Mr. Hartman is probably a serious, important man...
Perhaps he's also sick.
Headmistress, I wrote this letter!
That's not true, I wrote it and mailed it.
Miss is just trying to defend me, but I won't accept this sacrifice.
I will be expelled but I can go to another school part-time and be home-schooled.
But Miss needs her position here, it's much more important!
- I cannot accept this sacrifice. - Please, listen to me...
You, listen to me. It's not right for you to defend a student in this way.
Lenci, return to your home. We will let you know our decision.
And I warn you that at the moment it would be
useless for you to attend the license exam.
Do you understand, Miss? Return to the meeting room. - But Headmistress...
Please!
- Goodbye, Miss. - Wait!
It would be useless for you to attend the license exam...
but you passed your exam today.
Ladies and Gentlemen, we agree that Miss Lenci
won't be attending this school any more...
but that she may attend the exams as a private student.
You may go.
Don't be mad at me, I couldn't hide the truth.
Don't worry about it, darling...
"To Mr. Emilio Lenci, 3 Tomacelli Street, Rome..."
"I have the honour of inviting you to a hunt...
on my estate on the banks of Lake Bolsena."
"If you only shoot bison, I can acquire one from the zoo, so that we can shoot it..."
- Come on, write! - What does this idiocy even mean?
There must be a bison at the zoo!
This entire thing is ridiculous.
"You can shoot it. Yours sincerely... etc."
Prepare an envelope and mail it.
Since when have you owned a game reserve?
I'll rent one. The father is a hunter, he's crazy about bison!
The zoo will sell you a bison?
Yes, they will if I give them 20,000 lire! I'll pay for it to be buried, too.
Bison or no bison, you won't marry this lady.
- Oh, really? Then who will? - I told you, me!
I don't want to argue with you about this, but
love comes before friends, and relatives.
Love above all else! You've no idea what I'm capable of!
- Neither do you! - Fine, we'll see who wins!
Yes, we'll see! Where are you going?
To the zoo! I'll buy a nice, big giraffe as well!
What are you reading?
"The Adventures of Buffalo Bill, the Bison Hunter."
- Why have you bought a book like this? - Ask your daughter.
If this suitor of hers comes here, I'll need
to talk about something that interests him.
He's crazy about bison!
But, no! - I absolutely cannot allow you to take the blame for this.
I will speak with the headmistress today and leave the school for good.
We'll talk about it once all of this is over. Let me ask you something...
What did you think of that young man I introduced you to?
- Very pleasant. - That's what he thought of you, too!
- How do you know that? - He told me!
- Really? - Now, let me teach you something!
Show him how kind you are, you're so young and pretty!
Don't be too stuffy, too much like a teacher!
If he moves to take your hand, let him take it!
Maddalena! - What's wrong with that? He might also want to kiss you!
And even if he does, don't give him zero for conduct!
Excuse me, Miss.
What is it? Don't you see I'm giving a lesson?
Could you please come over here for a moment?
- Hello, Miss. - Hello, Pietro.
Pietro? Oh, yes... that name always seems new to me.
My friends are always calling me Pierino, Pietruccio...
- Do you mind me coming to see you again? - No, I'm happy to see you.
Me too...
It's strange, on my way here I had so many things to say and now I don't remember...
It might seem silly to you to hear me say that but sometimes even serious men...
say things that... well, like the things I'm saying now.
- I bet that seems ridiculous, doesn't it? - No, anything but.
Thank you... so I can continue?
- I can also tell you that I... - What is it?
That I've never known, in my whole life... no, I mean to say...
In this moment... what would you think if I kissed you?
I think that I wouldn't give you zero for conduct.
Come in!
Sir? - What is it? - There's a Mr. Armani here who would like to speak to you.
- Who? - A Mr. Stefano Armani.
I've never heard of him. Very well, show him in.
Come in.
Good day, Mr. Stefano Armani.
Please allow me to say one word that sums up my visit here today.
- Go ahead. - Maddalena.
- What do you mean by "Maddalena"? - I want to marry her.
- My daughter? - Yes.
- May I say one or two words? - Please. - I won't allow it.
- Why? - Can I add another word?
Please do.
- She's already engaged. - That's not important, she loves me.
That's not important either, because my
daughter will only marry who I allow her to.
I see.
I hear that you're a great man and the very best at shooting bison in cold blood...
- That's enough with these bison! - You're the best hunter ever!
- Who told you so? - Everyone says so, I'm a hunter too.
Nice to meet you. Now, stop talking about bison. You said that my daughter loves you.
I'm sure of it!
Right, now we'll get to the bottom of this!
Did you know, I'm very informed on the habits of the giraffe.
What do giraffes have to do with this?
Apparently a giraffe can be taken out with one blow to the neck, on the Adam's apple.
That's enough! Do you think that after all this
I'll give you my daughter's hand in marriage?
- Why, what's wrong? - Listen to this cheek!
- Do you deny that you kissed her? - No, I don't deny it.
This the last straw! That'll do, Sir, good day.
- Ah, you're here... - Of course I'm here!
Now I see... I bet you're happy with yourself!
What do you expect? Love above all else!
- Why are you doing this? - She loves me!
What do you mean, loves you? She gave me a kiss just now!
- A kiss? To you?! - Yes! Me to her, her to me.
- And you'll say that in front of her? - She'll tell you as well.
Could I say something as well? For me, it's been decided.
My dear Sir, you will always be welcome in my house.
Thank you, Mr. Lenci. Hear that?!
No, I won't let it end like this!
- Oh, is she home? - Is she home? - Yes.
- Tell her that Mr. Armani is here. - No, it's Mr. Pietro Salvi.
Please, come through.
- Scoundrel! - Traitor, coward!
- We'll see! - Yes, we'll see!
- Hello, Stefano. - Hello, Maddalena.
Come on then, now tell her that you kissed her!
Why do I have to tell her?
- So did this kiss happen or not? - You can't take back kisses.
- What? - One moment, please.
May I? Allow me to introduce you to Mr...
- But we already know each other... - Oh, you don't know him yet!
Mr. Alfredo Hartman of Vienna.
But that's not possible!
If you could lower that rifle for a moment, I wanted to tell you something.
I love this lady. And whether you like it or not, I'm going to marry her.
- Go ahead and marry her. - Dear, dear Father...
Enough with this nonsense! Did you not realise that my daughter is that one?
That's your daughter? So, then who are you?
This is Miss Elise Malgari, nicest and best teacher in the whole world!
- Mr. Hartman, I must tell you... - Tell me, I'm listening.
- In that letter... - Tell me, I'm listening.
- Well I wrote that letter, because... - Tell me, I'm listening.
- I wrote it because... - Tell me, I'm listening.
Can I get a word in?
With me you'll never have the last word.
I'm sorry, I didn't introduce myself. Alfredo Hartman, here's my passport.
Until the new business correspondence teacher arrives...
I will be taking your lessons.
Varga! Write for us a letter of order...
To Mr. Alfredo Hartman, Kohlstrasse, Vienna!
No! Wait, that's not right...
We'll have to buy some new textbooks.
Write, to Mr. Carlos Eredia of Barcelona.
Are you sure that this Carlos Eredia of Barcelona doesn't exist?